Ugh, Boys!

Thought I'd mix up the color here this time! Now that my Vegas story is complete, it's time for me to rant about boys. Or lack there of for that matter. I've signed up for many a dating site...and you know what I've found, it's all the same guys on all the dating sites. So, I'm not sure why I continue to do it, especially the ones that I have to pay for. Yes, I've answered the million questions that eHarmony asked; I've answered the questions on Chemistry.com; I've advertised myself on Match; I've written about myself on Cupid. But apparently no matter what I say, or what questions I answer, I can't find a relationship. Yes, I've gone a few dates (read my previous blog about the second date curse), and I've had dates set up and then cancelled. So what is it?

In my opinion, you don't sign up for a dating site if you're not looking for a serious relationship...um hi, most of these sites aren't free!! Why would you pay money for a one night stand??? That's what prostitutes are for, and you know, that's just not me. And you would also think that if you sign up for a dating site, it's because you've tried all other options, and you're ready to meet that right person. But apparently I've been gauging this whole thing entirely wrong.

I've written about myself honestly on my profiles. I lay out exactly what I'm looking for...that I'm done with the games, that I don't think I can meet anyone in a bar, that I don't want kids, that I don't want someone whose head will turn the second a girl come around, etc, etc. It's not like I'm hiding anything...and I don't feel that I should have to because I'm not looking to start a relationship based on lies or to lead someone to believe that I'm not serious. But it's like no one actually reads my profile...they look at the pictures and then send a wink or an email. It's annoying...I took the time to write who I am and what I want, so please pay attention. Don't contact me if you're just going to change your mind a day later and don't ask me out again if you weren't really interested the first time...it's a waste of my time and your time.

I'm serious about meeting someone, I'm serious about having a serious relationship...and that's why I have a profile on like 900 different dating sites! I haven't had luck working on the Air Force base, I haven't had luck with people setting me up, I haven't had luck at the grocery store...so where else am I supposed to meet someone?

Some days it's easier to be single and some days, I'm really just not a fan. I find it harder to be single when I'm surrounded by people that are in a relationship...it's right there in my face, making me realize that I don't have anyone. I know that my whole life isn't defined by whether or not I have a boyfriend, but it's a part of my life that I wish I had. I've always been a person that wanted someone in my life, hence being with Jeremy 3 times...I knew him, it was comfortable, and I was with someone. And now, I'm all alone. Most of my friends are married or have a significant other...and there I am...none of the above. In fact, yesterday when I was talking to the guy who hit my car in the parking lot, I mentioned that I work on the base...he asked me if I was in the military to which I responded no I wasn't. His next question was "oh, is your husband in the military?" Nope, I'm not married, it's just me. People find it hard to believe that I'm not married...they look at me like I'm diseased or there's something wrong with me. They just don't get it...and to tell you the truth, neither do I.

Of course when I get rejected, I automatically ask myself the question "what's wrong with me that I don't have a boyfriend?" Is it me? Is it the guys? And I always come back to "what's wrong with me" or "what did I do wrong?" I don't think I'm a bad person, I think I look pretty good...so then what is it? And no, it's not Kermit because he doesn't come out at the beginning. I don't get what I do or what changes their mind or why they don't contact me when I show interest. Am I really that bad?? Everyone says that it's not me, but am I not the common thread in all of the rejections?? So if it's not me, then what is it?

So yes, I'm a little down on myself right now. Everyone just wants to be loved by someone special...and after spending time with couples that are very much in love, I realize that I miss that and that I want that, and that I deserve that. So if anyone has any advice to give me, please help me! Or if you know someone that is single and looking for something serious, keep me in mind. I'm tired of the bullshit, I'm tired of the games. Just give me some honesty...it's really not that hard. And if you're not interested, please have the balls to tell me that instead of ignoring me.