My Normal

I've been busy lately...really busy. Since the weekend of my birthday, I've been out of town every weekend. The weekend of my birthday consisted of a trip to Phoenix to see Muse in concert and to see Christine for a couple of hours. Muse was on Friday and then Saturday I had a wedding reception to go to. That Sunday was KFMA Day. The following Wednesday, I headed up to Flagstaff for a VA Conference (notice I didn't say I headed home for a conference). I was in Flagstaff until Friday and then Saturday I headed up to Mesa to hang out with Monica and some friends for Monica's birthday. The following weekend it was back up to Scottsdale for Jade and Jeff's wedding reception. And the weekend after that was back to Phoenix for Arianna's 8th birthday. Then that Tuesday through Thursday I had to drive down to Sierra Vista. Wow. Needless to say, I was out of my routine. I had a good time but it was nice last weekend to not have anything to do. But then my weekend filled up, without me even knowing!

But finally, I'm back to normal. I had a normal week at work and this weekend I have no real plans. I've been coming home and doing nothing, and it's great! I enjoy going out of town but it's also really nice to just be at home. I didn't realize how much of a routine I'd gotten into...but I guess after 2 years, you create a routine. It's normal for me and I'm good with it.

I've come to accept the fact that I'm single and that my friends (most of them anyway) are not. I've come to accept that I fit in where I can in their lives...and if there's no time for me, then I just fall back into my routine. How can I get mad at my friends and family for having lives of their own? Everyone reaches the point in their life where they don't quite fit in anywhere...and I've reached that point. At first, it was hard for me to accept but as I was gone and out of my routine, I came to realize that I've created my own life...that I fit in where I need to. Just because I'm not married and I don't have kids or a boyfriend, doesn't mean my life is empty. And it helped me to realize that it's happened to everyone. Your life is what you make of it...so if I'm not happy, don't I only have myself to blame? And the answer to that is yes. So why blame myself...why not change things? Or just maybe realize that my life is full, even if there's no significant other in it.

I'm not going to settle for just anyone. When I saw the news about the engagement, I thought for sure that I would set out to find someone, anyone...to compete in a way. To prove that there's someone out there for me too. But I'm not going to do that. I don't want just anyone in my life...I want someone who complements me and makes my cup runneth over. So no, just because he's engaged, doesn't mean I need to be. It just goes to show that everyone has their someone...and I wasn't his...and I'm beyond okay with that. Best of luck to him...and one day, he'll think the same thing about me. But it won't be just anyone...it'll be my someone. I have to admit that I'm proud of myself for not going out there and letting just anyone take me out...that's what I've done in the past...or I just kept looking and looking. But this time, I cancelled my Match subscription and hid my profile. I don't want to be with someone just because he's engaged.

I'm in the process of getting my normal back and right now, that's the most important thing to me. My normal is my relationship. My normal is fitting into my friends and family lives where there's room for me. My normal is coming home from work, throwing on my sweatpants, making dinner and watching TV until it's bedtime. My normal is drinking beer with friends on the weekends. My normal is sleeping in on the weekends, cleaning and doing laundry on Sundays. My normal is an occasional trip out of town.

I'm damn proud of myself for living on my own for 2 years. For accepting the fact that yes, I am alone. For enjoying the fact (most days) that I am on my own. I'm damn proud of myself for graduating college 8 years ago and getting my Master's 3 years ago. I've made my life what it is...and no, it hasn't always been the greatest but it's mine...and the good outweighs the bad.

So here's to my normal...it's only going to get better from here...