When Is Enough Enough?

Rejection...when does it become easier? After how many times, do you just become immune to it? I try to not let things bother me, but it happens anyway. Even when I don't expect things to go my way, it still feels like rejection and it bothers me.

So I applied for the Director job in Long Beach...guess what...I didn't get it. I didn't expect to get it, but I thought I might at least have a chance. I applied for it one week ago...and they already said no. Am I really that underqualified after working for Embry Riddle for 5 years? Is it that easy to just reject me without even talking to me? I don't understand it.

I interviewed with Raytheon about 3 weeks ago...I was in the interview for an hour and a half. I felt pretty positive about it...I had plenty of people telling them they should hire me. I haven't heard from them, but apparently someone starts in that position on the 16th of November. Obviously not me, since I haven't heard from them...and that's way less than 2 weeks notice I could give my current employer. Awesome, another rejection. I mean seriously. I have a Master's degree...a fat lot of good that's doing me.

Need I mention the rejection from Chad? Yeah it still hurts. I'm not sure why...because again, I should be used to it. It's not like it's the first time this has happened to me. Yes, we're still friends and yes, we still have fun when we hang out together. Maybe that's why it still hurts, because it's like nothing has changed. And it pisses me off that when he asks if I'm ok, and I say no, I get no response. A different form of rejection. Yes, I understand that we're "just friends" and that Call of Duty just came out, but seriously. I'M HAVING A BAD DAY AND YOU ASKED IF I WAS OK...can you not ask me why? Can you not put the controller down for a few minutes to find out why??? And then to ignore me for another day...fuck you. Please keep rejecting me...and I will apparently continue to take it...because apparently, enough isn't enough from you yet.

I could sign up for Match again...but why waste $30 to be rejected again? And again? And again? When is it going to be my turn to meet someone...to find my someone? Or am I just bound to be rejected for the rest of my life...in everything that I do. I can't get a better job, I can't get a boyfriend. When is enough enough? How long do I have to go dealing with rejection at every turn? I see couples everywhere...a constant reminder of the constant rejection. Why can't I have that? What's wrong with me? Am I that bad of a person that no one can see themselves with me? What do I do wrong?

I know that I don't care about a lot of things...but it's getting worse. I don't care to work hard anymore, I don't care about anything. What has caring gotten me so far? People wonder why I have Kermit...well, he doesn't reject me. He's the one thing I can count on...and I know that sounds stupid to everyone and no one gets it...but it's all I've got. Yes, I have family and friends but they have their own lives. And this is mine. The life of rejection. So when is enough enough? What's the breaking point? When is the rejection going to stop?