When Do Things Get Better?

July...wow. What a shitty month. Not just for me, but for my sister too. It started off with a crash...a car crash. Monica was driving home from work when she got hit head on. I was at happy hour, happy...until I saw the text message rolling across the top of my phone "I just got hit head on, the air bags deployed, but I'm ok." Happy turned unhappy. I awaited the response to my text...and it felt like forever. No, the kids were not in the car and yes, she was okay. It's not a text message I ever want to see again. It's like my heart stopped. That weekend was 4th of July...and I had a good time at Monica's house...but I was in a crappy mood. I knew that July was gonna suck...when things are going well and then all of a sudden they come to a complete stop...there's a sign. I helped Monica and her family move into their new place. A place that was supposed to be a fresh start...a new start. But of course, things can't go well. I'm not sure what it is with the Stutzman luck but it sucks. It seems that when things are going well, the black cloud makes an appearance and everything turns to crap. It's not just me...it's my sister and my brother.

Just once, I want things to go well, and stay that way. Why can't our family have that? Why can't we just be taken care of? They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...but seriously, how strong does my family need to be? You would think that after everything we've been through, we wouldn't need any more strength...but daily we are tested. And to tell you the truth, I'm not sure how many more tests we can take. I've reached the point of just wanting to throw a gigantic temper tantrum and scream that it's not fair...to kick my feet and throw things and just curse at the world. Let my family be happy...quit throwing speed bumps in the road and just let us be. Why can't we just cruise along?

It hurts me to know that there's nothing I can do to help my sister. That there's nothing I can do to improve her situation. I want to make her happy and know the right things to say but there are no words. I can only listen to her and hurt for her. It makes my little issues seem like nothing, but yet I know that if I need to talk to her, she'll listen...that's what sister's are for. But I just wish I could do something more for her.

So when do things get better? When do the hard times stop and when does the smooth sailing begin? How many challenges must we overcome before we finally reach what we deserve? I'm not sure how much more my sister can take. It's not fair to her because she's always trying to do the right thing and ends up getting screwed in the end. I'm not sure how much more rejection I can take...I just want to be happy...and I get so close...and then it's gone. I can only hope that there's a plan for us...that we're being put through all of this because something bigger is going to happen and it's all going to be worthwhile. But when is that going to happen? And what's going to happen next?