I wish that I was a better blogger...that I had important things to say and could spend hours blogging. I have things to say but really, they're the same things I say in every blog. But yet I come on here with good intentions...of having something mind-blowing to say. My mind is constantly running...it starts the second I wake up and ends only when I finally fall asleep. It's a constant cycle of the same thoughts...and wondering the same thing. And just when I hope that it goes away, I'll dream about it...and then I wake up and so starts the cycle over again. I can't stop thinking about it. There's always something there to remind me (much as the song goes). Just when I think I might stop thinking about it, said reminder will appear...and so it goes. No turning it off.

I'm beginning to drive myself crazy with the wondering. I'm not good with not knowing what's going on. And just when I think it's over and done with, it comes back and it gives me hope...and then nothing happens, so I start to get over it. Do you see why I'm going crazy? Don't give me false hope, don't say you'll follow through with our plans if you don't actually intend to do it. And this is why I wonder...I wonder if you meant the things you said. I wonder if you'e being honest. I wonder what happened. I wonder. I wonder. I wonder.

I wonder why I attract the ones that I do. My sister says it's the aura I give off and I need to change that. I don't know how to change that. Part of the problem is also that I'm seen as one of the guys. I like to drink beer and hang out and watch sports. But that's not all there is to me. I just need someone to be able to see that. And I thought I did. But that's where the wondering comes in again. I'm not about to change myself...they're gonna have to like me for me. And again, I thought I found someone who did. I wonder if that's true.

So again, I've written a blog that's not mind-blowing...but I need to write about it so that maybe I can just stop thinking about it...