And So We Move On

Today was a normal day. I needed a normal day...I needed to get back to things the way they were before Chad happened. When I was used to being on my own and things were okay...and I didn't need anyone. I woke up, I dropped a couple of things like I normally do. I went to Starbucks and got my normal drink...and today, I actually wanted the Starbucks. The last few days, I went out of habit but I didn't want the Chai. But today I did. And I got to work and it was normal. I checked the email, I did some work...normal. And then Dave came in and we made lunch plans. Typically every Thursday, we go to El Sur. I hadn't been in a while...Dave's been busy, Chad's been around. But today, it was me, Dave, and Tami...and it was normal. I went back to work, I worked, I advised, I ran around like normal. And then work was over...and I got my nails done. It was a good day. It was a normal day. Yes, I heard from Chad...a couple of text messages. Not normal...but back to normal from before Chad. I don't text him. I told him he can talk to me...I won't talk to him first. That's not what I need. He was waiting for me to text him...but I didn't. I'm not ready for the "friends" thing yet. I've just reached my angry stage...normal.

Yes, it still makes me sad from time to time...but the angry stage makes that go away...normal. After the angry stage, there could come a friend stage. There could come a time when we hang out on Sundays and watch football...but not yet. I need to think bad things about him, I need to overanalyze things. I need to move on. Not saying I need to start dating right away...because really, I don't think I want to. It's too hard and I have things to figure out. I need to work on the trust issues. I need to work on me...I need...you know...normal.

I'm going to Monica's this weekend. I need sister time...I need to hang out with my nieces...I need to have fun...I need to not be alone for the first weekend. Monica can always make me feel better. She'll listen, she'll talk shit, she'll give advice, she'll hand me a Kleenex...and she'll just let me be. I'm excited to get out of town. I'm excited to leave Chad behind for the weekend. And get back to more normal on Monday And the next weekend, it's Halloween. I invited myself to Dave and Tami's house. So I might have Sunday to myself next weekend...and that's okay. I can watch football at home...if I'm not ready for Sunday football with Chad. And who knows if he'll even want to watch football with me. Or if he'll be watching football with someone else. Another "friend" maybe.

But I'm remembering normal...and I'm remembering how to move on...and so I'm doing it. Step by step...one day at a time...one normal activity at a time. And I'm okay. I'm sure I will fall back a couple of steps...because it's normal. I'm sure I'll cry. I'm sure I'll miss him because I still do. I'm sure I'll laugh. I'm sure he wasn't the one. I'm not sure we'll be friends. I'm not sure we'll hang out. I'm not sure how long we'll continue to text. But I'm okay. Because I have my friends, because I have my family, because I have myself. And so we move on...